Tonight I let myself go. I played a song I usually avoid. I let it play with both headphones in my ear, I just let it play. It’s a song that I’ve always loved and the person I first showed it to, I loved even more. I press play, close my eyes, and let my memories flood, just full on hurricane-tsunami flood.
It hurt for the first three seconds and then my entire body warmed up… because it was him. The bass was his heartbeat and that was my home for a while. It felt like I was going home.
That synth that blasted my ears when we would drive down Beach Blvd on our way to the ocean, that singer that sung the words I was feeling whenever I was with him, that song that made me look at him and think “wow, I love this kid with my entire existence”. Towards the middle of the song I thought about all the mistakes, all the laughs, all the nose kisses, all the cries he soothed, all the joints we smoked, all the days we spent laying in bed. Then, just like that, the song was over, just like us.