(This is NOT to CONDESCEND anyone my age in a relationship, I bid them love actually)
Let me tell you about my vacation *put “Patience” by The Lumineers on repeat*
That feeling you get on a Sunday morning when you wake up and put a dress on with some make-up and walk straight into that altar at church and worship. That feeling on a cool summer day where you’re sitting in the shade and you can see the sun touching everything else but you- and that gust of wind rides in and you feel like you can fly away. How about this feeling: having a clear mind with no one else on it but Jesus. Now imagine that feeling, all the time! No exes, No crushes, No interruptions. Only the real being who loved you from the start, who loves you now, who will always love you. THIS, is what I feel exclusively on my vacation.
My vacation of singleness didn’t start until I became completely single, including in my thoughts. If you are still thinking about someone who has been or could be, you aren’t feeling the fullness of this gift. Can I boast about the most important relationship in my life for a moment? Because it’s one I would brave hunger and suffering for. I stopped fighting the hands that were holding me, I opened my ears to his calling, and I live knowing I am called higher. I am trying to live up this vacation to the fullest where I only have to report to my God and no one else. JESUS GETS MY UNDIVIDED LOVE RIGHT NOW. And though I know that I’ll have a husband one day and I’ll love God with a throbbing depth I didn’t know before, RIGHT NOW ALL MY HEART’S DEVOTION GOES TO CHRIST. Is that not the blessing of singleness? All my love, every pump of blood that my heart beats is devoted to the supply of oxygen sent to my lungs to breathe for Jesus.
Why do us young people- young Christians- Christ followers at Christian universities who know better than anyone else STILL live with selfish intentions. What about the intentions of Christ- what about His wants- His will? In Philippians, Paul brags about Timothy’s ability to live for the intentions of Christ. Why don’t we all do that in our simple pursuit to give all of ourselves to Him? My vacation is relaxing and filled with adventure. My struggles and uncertainties encompass my relaxation because if I didn’t have struggles to throw up to the Lord, I couldn’t testify for the Glory that is only fitting for my Father.
I am still awaiting on the man I will fall in love with. The man who walks unassumingly and with powerful gentleness. He will cause me to fall in love again, no need to mend my heart or put me back together, my second love will be fierce because it will cause my love with Jesus to burst into flames and light the path we are walking on.
In this moment, I am so in love, so enamored with God. He loves me! And He wanted to show me this in the most existentially convincing way, Jesus. And Jesus knew He would go back to heaven so He gave us the Holy Spirit so that we could always feel His peace without Him being here. And one day I’ll get to share that with another human of the opposite sex who will compassionately push me to love God in an even more depth and zeal. But for now, I already have the love of my entire existence… my God. How’s that for giving my heart and soul a vacation?