Early in the morning is when I think about you. I go to the gym to get you off my mind. I go shopping to distract myself. I drive fast to speed up time.
Sunset in the afternoon is when I think of you. I read my books so I can take my thoughts to the place where yours float. I eat my bowl of fruit to taste some sweetness. I fly on planes because I like pretending I’m on my way to see you.
Late at night is when I think about you. I play the piano hoping the air carries to wherever you are. I pray because God is the only one who actually knows who you are. I write because you come alive in my words. I don’t hug or hold hands with anyone knowing you’re coming to me.
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” – Maya Angelou
I became quite enamored with a girl who had gorgeous ginger hair- it was almost unreal. And she loved to Irish jig her heart away- this caught the attention of mine. She taught me what beauty looked like from a softly spoken voice. She lived her life along side me for almost four years but we never crossed paths until the time to depart dawned on us. She was fairy-like, ushering her pixie dust to alter everything she touched for the better. When she touched my soul it awoke from an eternal winter of impulsive foolishness. I think a part of me hurt her deeply but she was stationary, she was calm. She was a strong and charming wood and I, an ignited match with kinetic energy that could rue a forest in its entirety. When our forces came together a fire arose but she didn’t burn. Rather, I burned myself out. I tried to destroy what I couldn’t understand, I avoided my destructive nature and traded my love (what little of it I was made of) for wrath. She was still. She engulfed my conniption and housed all the damage, like shipwrecks underneath a calm sea. A short lived fairytale of respected delegates congregating in the corner house of misfits. Other people came and went but I always stayed near and she….so dear…..to my heart.
Seems I have to fight for joy these days, has a war been waged on my peace? I think so.